trice's blog

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Nothing

Haven't written anything here all week. Too much going on. Too much uncertain.

Am I dumped? Not dumped? Am I moving to Canada, the USA, Europe? Staying here? Right now it looks like Canada is the place that will be attempted, although I rather expect that will fail. My professional accomplishments indicate I can work well and stably enough but I find it hard to believe anyone would want me. Surely they'd want more of an economic star.

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Desperation

I need to write something. That's a small determination within my power. I believe it is? Even though I'm putting a lot of my personal-time energy into getting to grips with Pathfinder and making that game happen I should be able to spare at least some time this week to compose words. That doesn't seem like too much to ask of myself. Next weekend, a week from now, I want to be able to say I've written some fiction. Even if it is only a handful of words. Even if they get deleted or replaced the very next time I open a writing implement.

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Nothing else

A

Bleak feeling today tied in part to a lack of creative activity and that whatever I did make would be worthless even so. Can I and should I break free of current habits and cycles to do more? The answer is a resounding maybe.

And a partly envy of other persons who have people to spend time with in person, who seem to have fun and do things they enjoy midst even terror and a bleak desperation to survive.

B

Love is hard, and painful, and demands sacrifice.

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Only a week late

arly in the week a girl (probably early high school but maybe late primary school) asked for help finding varied sources to site for her assignment about the solar system and that was fun. She's asked a similar question about different schoolwork months back and it is not often I get asked to deploy that much educational assistance on a topic.

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Up and down

=== Ambiguity from 2017-07-13 ===

One of those days where I have a shift at the library starting from 17:00, so the whole day takes place in its shadow. Nonetheless I managed to achieve many of the goals I'd set for myself today. Mostly, preparation for that Pathfinder game I keep talking about.

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Two pieces a week apart

=== Monday ===

Maybe yesterday's post should have been split in two, to separate out the game talk from the workplace whining. In follow-up to that, it seems the person I was filling in for on Saturday is currently hospitalised. I won't write out my speculations as to why, but I hope she will soon be in good health.

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And now the weekend

Solitude brings memory and memory brings pain. Today, as has happened before, feeling that so much time has been lost to seeking stimulus, suppressing thought so as not to face hurt, and this must change. Yet, this revolution will not happen. The way of things will persist.

Today at work - an unexpected shift, called at last minute to cover the afternoon - whenever I got moments to myself away from colleagues and from patrons I found myself fighting off sobbing. Maybe this was better than if I had stayed home.

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An aspiration of fun

Note: The following was typed on 2017-06-15

For a long while I've been kicking around the idea of running a Star Wars sequel role-playing campaign using the Pathfinder ruleset and based on a story idea by Ami. Naturally I'd been referring to it as Starfinder until Paizo went and announced a game of that same name which at least should make a more convenient platform for actually playing it out.

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