I've begun to notice a pattern with business trips lately. As the trip approaches, I get increasingly worried about if the clothes I have to fit the venue fit me. This can be in the least, a subconscious stressor, and in the worst, outright panic. Each time I manage to get through the business trip, but it often takes a toll.

The problem is that now that I work out of my apartment it's easy to build a wardrobe of comfortable, geeky T-shirts and jeans. Then when I actually need to go to an office, everything I have is almost two years old. In those two years, I lost a lot of weight, had major surgery, and gained much of it back albeit in different places. The long skirts I used to wear five days a week now seem too obscuring and don't reflect my more attractive attributes (as my spice like to remind me). 

I other words, I need a new wardrobe. 

Furthremore, I need a new wardrobe with a style that better corresponds to the circumstances of my daily life. Button-down blouses are practically unsuitable for anything other than going to an office. Replacing those with new blouses wouldn't solve the problem, as they would sit in my closet or my luggage until the next business trip. Instead, I need something that's dressy, but comfortable enough to wear out with friends, as well as to a business casual venue. 

Complicating this is two factors. First, I prefer simple clothing. Few patterns, colors, and no requriement for layering with the exception of the occasional cami. Second is carry-on capacity. If I cannot pack five days of clothes in a piece of luggage, I'm in trouble. I loath checking luggage and certainly do not trust the airlines. The two factors combined -- to say nothing about the money involved -- will make this a long process. 

Nevertheless, it's time to go exploring. 

This weekend went too quickly. Pazi and I waited at home for a new piece of furniture to arrive most of the day, but accepted it wouldn't arrive. We burned the day moving books and disposing of a large bookshelf. Late that afternoon we met up with friends for some food and gaming. After a few rounds, we settled in to watching a movie. The evening ended too early, no thanks to my perpetual fatigue. 

Today similarly came and went quickly. Pazi and I only had one errand, but we started in the afternoon and it felt like it occupied the entire day. I tried to slow the day by reading, but fatigue found me there too. 

My class is mostly written at this point. I have most of this week to complete a single lab, then polish the material as much as I can until sending off to the printers on Friday. The following week I'll be testing it against a live environment, and finally I put it in front of students on the 22nd. 

Pazi hasn't been happy about the schedule, especially the travel to Houston half way through the month. It's necessary, and honestly, the best thing for the class. it also means time away from home, and a continued level of stress for several more weeks. 

This is to say nothing about the other class I need to write.

Work has been more than exhausting as of late. The project I'm currently working on is such a huge priority for the company that we've bypassed many of the expected procedures and timetables in order to complete it. The result, for me at least, has been writing two classes cocurrently in a third of the time usuall given to create one. I've been putting in extra hours many days of the week, and donated most of my weekend to making some modicum of progress. 

This morning, my deadline is still frighteningly close. Thanks to the above effort, however, I'm more than half way done. I actually feel confident I can have the class finished in time without losing another weekend. 

Often at times like this, I remember the speech Dr. Tyrell gave to Roy in Blade Runner: "The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy." Does all this workaholism have an effect on the proximity of mortality? It certainly has an effect on my health, whether or not that is permanent, however, one cannot tell. 

Pazi and I have been suffering through the Midwestern heat the last two weeks. We could run the AC non-stop, but I'm concerned about the expense and, to a lesser extent, the effect on the environment. Since Pazi has returned to Minnesota from Cascadia, it's become clear to us both that this isn't the best place for her. As a result, we're considering a cross-country move to Orgeon when our lease is up. Contingent on this is having the money available. We estimate the moving costs at $3000. It's possible, but I'd rather have the money decide the issue for us rather than putting everything on a credit card. 

I worry about moving away from my 30 year home. I grew up here. I know the places and people. In moving away, I'll be in a different culture, with different weather, and far away from my small circle of friends. I worry about leaving them behind. I worry that it might signal the end for any projects on which we're collaborating. I worry about the sense of isolation that will create.

I've never been particularly good at taking vacations. I've become particularly bad at this in the last two years as my job and private life have become hectic. The last week summerizes this well.

While last weekend I busied myself with errands and visiting a friend to watch movies, when Monday came I found myself unsure what to do with myself. I decided to try to work on some patch code for the Organic Groups Dupal module. Unforunately, the developer and I seem to have an impasse about how to develop a particular feature. When I started working on implementing it, I discovered that it wasn't in mind with the bigger picture of the module. I stopped working on the code, feeling embarrassed and more than a little self-conscious. 

I don't remember much of Tuesday. I'm sure I played Halo 3 for several hours that day, but all I can really recall is generally being in a really rubbish mood for most of the day.

Wednesday was better. Pazi and I set out to run some errands including going out to lunch and buying her a new phone. I came home feeling much more accomplished and deserving of some relaxation. I got really frustrated with Halo (the first game), but eventually I calmed down and worked through it. What followed was a lovely little evening involving gluten-free pizza and Fugitive Alien. 

Today, Thursday, has been perhaps the most vacation-like day this week. Pity it only took me three days to get here. Most of the morning was Halo, with a dash of Futurama at lunch. This afternoon was gelato at a local coffee shop. I have designs on roast salmon for dinner, along with a watching of Lathe of Heaven (PBS version), and yes, more Halo. 

I should try my hand at more Drupal coding this evening. Despite my embarressment at the beginning of the week, it's best to dust myself off and code something. I'd love to write some Rules code that will set or unset permissions when a group of a particular content type is created. That'd solve another issue for me with deninet 7. 

It's been several months since I had been on a business trip, and the first time to a new location in over a year. The combination of a new location and a week of solitary time have conspired to make me introspective.

While it's nice to be on the road again, things are certainly not the same. For one thing, I need a better work wordrobe. Since I work from home, I've grown accustomed to T-shirts and jeans as my daily attire. While it's nice to dress up once and a while, I'm beginning to realize just how much it no longer suits me. For one thing: Skirts.

Skirts were my daily attire back in my consulting days. Rarely would I ever break out a pair of slacks, or Universe forbid, jeans on a business trip. I simply wouldn't feel "professional". Since surgery last year, however, I've grown a bit more comfortable with my butchy side. I find that I actually look better in jeans. Given the right pair of slacks, I'd probably look better in those than a skirt.

Skirts no longer show off my figure well as my figure has changed so drastically in the last year. Many of my curves appear only when viewing me laterally rather than head-on. Skirts tend to emphasize body outline when viewed face-to-face; my outline is rather poor in that angle. Tighter fitting clothing tends to negate that problem, while skirts tend to emphasize it. I'm unsure if long skirts versus short skirts has any effect as I only have long skirts with me on this trip. 

Many of my blouses are rather tight given the changes in my body shape. Several are practially unwearable, others mearly uncomfortable. Before the trip I was in a near panic about this. I was afraid that none of them would look good on me, and had taken the tightness as a personal failing. Pazi had pointed out to the contrary -- that the tightness was actually a benefit in disguise. At the time, I couldn't see past my own embarassment. 

Thoughtout all of this, I'm beginning to realize that I lack a lot of processing time at home. This processing time is critical for my own emotional well being as I tend to need a good amount of time to think things through. When I was living alone, I had that practically every night that I had free time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not denied processing time now that I'm sharing an apartment. My own behavioral pattern tends to push that needed processing time away until some assumed time when I would have the privacy to think more clearly. It's hard to say to my partner, "I'd really appreciate some quiet time," when it's so easy to simply put on a movie and distract myself until bedtime.  This is a subtle behavior that will require a lot of reprogramming on my part. 

There's more, but lunch is over, and I really should put the blog down.