Well, yesterday was a bit of a wash.

Got up at a decent hour, did the bulk of my routine, lay down for a refreshing non-nap of about 30 minutes.  Then as I was making lunch, I somehow threw my right shoulder out.  OWWW.  In an instant, I turned from a moderately healthy and active 30-something into a little old lady of 83.

Took some cyclobenzaprine -- a muscle relaxant -- and some ibuprofen as soon as possible.  The first knocked me out.  The second?  Not sure if it did much at all.  But as a result I was too looped out to make it to work.  In fact, I slept from 1-4 p.m. ...

Once I regained consciousness, I had a hair appointment to keep.  Got myself ready, headed down to The Fox Den to let Amber work her magic with my hair.  On the agenda: a cut, and furthering my hair from a pretty, peachy blonde to the ultimate goal of silver-grey.

That went well, save for the rinsing part; leaning back in the chair to get my hair inundated was... painful, at best.  But the final results are mrrrr.  Quite pleased; just the right shade of grey, with hints of russet just barely enough to evince themselves under scrutiny, giving my hair a pleasing depth.  Frankly, I feel like I look like an anime character now!

Afterwards, Pazi wanted to see.  I'd already had dinner by the time we poked each other online, and all of us -- she, Tess, and I -- were in dire need of some quiet time, but they still had me come over for a bit.  Given the vocalisations I heard methinks they approve of the new hair as well.  And both Pazi and Tess took pity on me, tag-teaming to give me a backrub.  Pazi wiped out a few of the main knot's exurbs, while Tess went in and nuked the area rather thoroughly.  When the natives put on their radiation suits and started to rebuild, Tess blasted them again -- and oh my word, I feel so much better today!

Then Pazi, feeling a domestic urge, made some of the tastiest oatmeal raisin cookies I've ever had.  Nomz!  Perfection in and of themselves.  Though given my own culinary proclivities, I couldn't help but think of how to level up the recipe; some apple and mace added to the dough would do the trick nicely.

Lightly cuddly, quiet time followed, with lemon tea and a Triceyhead on Skype.  By 11 p.m. I needed to head home and slink into bed, and Pazi was verbed out... so we called it a night.

It's so nice to have friends and family with whom I can just be present, without needing constant interaction. Hopefully we all still got the quiet we needed; at least I did.

And that was my Tuesday.

Over the last few weeks, despite having effectively stopped using my iPhone earbuds entirely, I've been noticing my hearing continue to deteriorate.

This is disturbing.  I've known I've had hearing issues for many years; I suffered near-continuous ear infections since childhood (coupled by severe and debilitating dizzy spells -- thankfully both have abated in the last decade), my dad has been pretty hard of hearing for the better part of a decade, and we both have small eustachian tubes which often fail at draining fluid as designed.  Plus, I'm a musician; not only do I enjoy music, not only do I make it, but it's one of the few constants that I can rely on to keep me on this side of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Obviously, music -- neither the making nor the enjoyment thereof -- isn't completely dependent on hearing.  But it's a big part of it.  So the prospect of losing it is particularly worrisome.  For me, a life without hearing would be a life without color or taste; I'd still hear the music in my mind and would do everything I could to make and share it, but enjoying new music would be extremely challenging.  I don't want this to happen.

Why am I so worried, and now?  Largely because I cannot hear what friends say in even modestly noisy situations.  Car rides are particularly troublesome, between road noise, ambient noise, wind noise, and often being in the back seat whilst others are in front.  Even in less saturated environments, I still have to ask people to repeat things, and sometimes need to lean in so my ear is pointed directly at their voice and/or in close enough proximity to get a useful noise-to-signal ratio.

Admittedly, this may be partly due to my changing social environ.  For the last 30+ years I've tended to be hermited away, avoiding social interactions beyond a 2:1 friend-to-Marion ratio.  I don't drive, and for years and years most of my passengerhood was spent in the car with my parents -- who tended not to talk much when on the road (thankfully not in an uncomfortable way; we were simply quiet!).  Over the last year or so I have had far more cause to interact with others verbally and in a variety of situations, so it may just be that I'm noticing long-standing problems more and more.

But, I don't think it's just that.  Subjectively I've noticed my hearing worsening, and at a rate that -- while far from precipitous -- is still quite troubling.  Less subjectively, my ears now almost constantly feel clogged; it's as if the tubes have gone into early retirement.  Something seems to be changing, but I don't know what, yet.  I suspect however that smoking is involved.

So, all this is a long preamble to a very simple point: tomorrow, I'm going to call my general practitioner's office and schedule an appointment.  I haven't seen him for a while, and I have one or two other minor health concerns to talk about -- but the main reason is to get a referral to an otolaryngologist to get my hearing checked and start tracking it as objectively as possible.  Hopefully they'll be able to offer advice on how to preserve my hearing, and/or have suggestions as to why my hearing is starting to fail (if indeed it is).  Though even a successful appointment likely won't change the basic fact that I'm tired of missing things, I'm tired of contorting myself to stay in the conversational loop, I'm tired of making feel people awkward by having them repeat what they've said -- and I'm a bit scared as to where this might end up going.  Hearing is just too central to my life right now to contemplate losing.