The Tesses exist in a "Psycho-emotional Visualization Matrix", an infinite plane of featurelessness. Not so much characters as commentators, the Tesses often appear to introduce new chapters of the comic. Each represent an aspect of the author's personality. There are six Tesses in all each named after the personality aspect they represent: Artsy, Pessimist, Anth (short for Anthropologist), Priestess, Hacker, and the one without a name.
Artsy is the most flamboyant of the Tesses. Obsessed with Artwork, writing, and everything creative, Artsy can be thought of as the "muse" of the group. She is also the most mischievous and unreliable. Early in Novella, Artsy steals a purple kimono from sleeping Anth, despite the fact Anth was wearing the kimono at the time. For this and other reasons, her relationship with the other Tesses is strained. This especially true with Pessimist, although the two share a bizarre kind of respect.
Due to her obsession with all things creative, she doesn't concern herself with economic and health concerns. Artsy is known to forget to eat and sleep during her creative reveries. Her favorite food is high-end dark chocolate.
Pessimist is the most practical and reserved of the Tesses. She often dresses in business formal and is a stern taskmaster. Pessimist insists on extensive planning an preparation before embarking on any task. This often causes friction between her and Artsy, as the latter of the pair prefers to do things off the cuff. Artsy once described her as a "stale loaf of dry Wonderbread".
As her name implies, Pessimist has a pervasive negative outlook. She is convinced that without proper planning, any effort is doomed for failure. The more fantastical the effort, the more she is convinced of it's eventual failure. Pessimist is cited as the primary reason for delays in the comic in previous years.
Anthropologist is the quietest and more academic of the Tesses. Her clumsy name has led Artsy to refer to her as "Anth", much to Anthropologist's annoyance. She often spends her days reading books about cultural Anthropology in her study. Despite the interest she takes in the subject, she often falls asleep while reading. Artsy took advantage of this once to steal a purple kimono from Anth. Her favorite subjects are Ancient Civilizations, particularly Ancient Egypt. She also is fascinated by far-east cultures including Japan.
Despite the taunting from Artsy, she does not dislike her. Anth prefers to see both sides in any conflict and resolve them calmly. For this reason she often tries to resolve arguments between the Tesses, particularly Artsy and Pessimist where she has met with limited success.
Normally calm and serene, Priestess spends most of her days meditating. More accurately, attempting to meditate. Scwabbles between Artsy and Pessimist have often frustrated her efforts.
Skilled in all things electronic or mechanical, Hacker Tess is rarely seen. It is assumed that her job as a Software Consultant takes most of her time.
Considered the most dangerous in the group, this character is shown chained at the wrists and ankles. She isn't known to have a name, although some refer to her as "Samara", due to an uncanny resemblance to a character from the file The Ring. It is implied that she once held a stranglehold on the others, although the details of this are scarce.